


You're a Soldier Now

by TheMedJack



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Paradise, Safe Haven, Song fic, The Death Cure, post TDC movie, post tdc, sorry - Freeform, sound the bugle, tdc movie, thomas cant sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 14:52:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMedJack/pseuds/TheMedJack
Summary: Thomas has a nightmare in paradise and visits Newt's grave at the safe haven. (Song Fic)





	You're a Soldier Now

Thomas woke with a start, his forehead and hair drenched with sweat. His breathes were rapid as his eyes darted around the room, only to see the darkness of night. After realizing where he was, Thomas tried to take a few steadying breathes, his hand placed firmly on his chest. His hand unconsciously wrapped around the silver necklace that hung from his neck, the same necklace that Newt had worn six months ago. 

 

_Sound the bugle now, play it just for me._

_As the seasons change, remember how I used to be._

 

He couldn’t stay here. It felt like the walls were closing in, like it was getting harder and harder to breathe. In one swift movement, Thomas threw his blanket to the ground and stepped out of his cot before racing out the door. The sand felt cold against his bare feet as he quickened his pace towards the treeline. The faint light of the moon and the crashing sounds of the waves on the shore began to fade as Thomas made his way deeper into the forest. 

 

That didn’t matter, though. He’d taken this path enough times to easily navigate it through the dark. 

 

_Now I can’t go on. I can’t even start._

_I’ve got nothing left, just an empty heart._

A few silent minutes passed as Thomas maneuvered through the twisted path between the ivy-covered trees. It wasn’t long before Thomas found himself standing on the edge of a small clearing. The moonlight from above cascaded down, illuminating the grass with a blue tint. Thomas slowed his pace to a walk as he stepped forward, careful not to step on one of the many flowers that littered the ground. Soon, he stopped and descended to his knees, letting his hands fall into his lap. 

 

_I’m a soldier, wounded so I must give up the fight._

_There’s nothing more for me, lead me away._

 

Below him sat dirt covered with soft moss, and in front of him lay a single boulder. The front of it was smoothed down, with one word etched onto the front.  
Newt. 

 

_Or leave me lying here._

 

With one hand still grasping his necklace tightly, Thomas reached up and brushed his hand across the name carved into the stone. He traced every letter, every corner, every crack. His mind drifted back to the first time he’d visited this place. After waking up in the safe haven, Thomas learned that the group decided to bring Newt with them, with intentions of giving him a proper burial. It was Minho’s idea. 

Thomas had come here every night since. Every night. Sometimes he even came during the day. He never said much, though. He just couldn’t find the words to say. Every time he came close, his throat would close and he’d lose himself in grief. Tonight, he’d told himself on the walk here, tonight you’re gonna tell him. With a deep and shaky breathe, Thomas looked at the boulder in front of him. His vision began to blur as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. 

“Newt…”

Just saying the boy’s name send a wave of guilt through Thomas. It struck him fiercely, but he took another breathe and tried to push it aside. “I’m…I’m s-so sorry." 

 

_Sound the bugle now, tell them I don’t care._

_There’s not a road I know that leads to anywhere._

 

Thomas paused, no longer trying to hold his tears back. When he’d lost Newt, seen the life leave his eyes as he held the boy in his arms…a part of Thomas died with him. Thomas pulled his hand back, reaching to touch his chest just above his heart. He could feel the scar Newt’s knife left through his thin shirt, a permanent reminder of how he failed to protect Newt. ”…I don’t know what to do.“

Thomas was lost, and didn’t know how to find his way back. How could he live here when all he could see in his mind were the faces of though who never made it to the island? It wasn’t fair. With another surge of guilt, Thomas tried pushed away the flashes of memories of him working for WICKED. Designing the maze, watching his friends die, unable to do anything but sit there and watch. Like a coward. 

 

_Without a light, I fear that I will stumble in the dark._

_Lay right down, decide not to go on._

 

He felt numb. With a shaky breathe, Thomas sat back so he could rest his head on the earth next to Newt’s rock. With a delicate hand, he reached out and grabbed one of the flowers that lay in the grass. It had layers of white and blue petals, nothing like any flower he’d seen before. But he still felt…nothing. No matter how longer he stared, how long he tried, Thomas couldn’t see the beauty in it. He knew it was there, he just couldn’t reach it. 

This place was supposed to be his home now, a new start. 

It didn’t feel anything like home, and Thomas was convinced it never would. Not without everyone else. Not without him. What was he supposed to do now? Thomas had one purpose before, and that was to save his friends. With the feelings of failure and defeat clawing their way into Thomas’ heart, he forced his eyes shut, more tears falling as he did so. As far as he could tell, he had no purpose now. 

As one final tear slipped from Thomas’ eye, he drifted to sleep. 

"Tommy." 

 

_And from on high, somewhere in the distance._

_There’s a voice that calls ‘remember who you are’._

 

Thomas’ eyes shot open as he bolted into an upright position. His eyes darted around frantically, searching for the source of the voice. He knew that voice. "Newt?” Thomas gasped, his eyes landing on the blonde, who sat crossed-legged on top of his rock. In one swift movement, Thomas was kneeling before the stone, just inches away form Newt. Thomas reached out for Newt’s hand, but his heart dropped as his hand went right through Newt’s as if it wasn’t there. 

This wasn’t real. It was a dream. 

“Hey,” Newt said with a sad and knowing smile, “Chin up, Greenie." 

Thomas looked up, tears filling his eyes again. "Newt, I’m so sor-”

“Slim it,” Newt cut him off, “I won’t be havin’ any of that." 

Thomas sighed, his entire body trembling with grief. "W-what am I supposed to do now, Newt?" 

Newt stood so he could sit and kneel directly in front of Thomas. They were eye level now. "Did you not read a bloody word of my note there, Tommy?” Newt said, pointing to the necklace that sat around Thomas’ neck. “You’re free, now. You can do whatever the shuck you want!" 

"I don’t know how,” Thomas admitted quietly, clutching both of his hands protectively around his necklace. 

Newt let out a sad sigh, tilting his head and speaking in a softer voice. “You deserve to be happy, Tommy. Why don’t you start there?" 

"Newt,” Thomas huffed in denial, shaking his head, “I don’t t-think I can…”

“Yes, you can,” Newt vaguely gestured back towards the camp with his hand, “They all need and look up to you, Tommy. You need to be strong for them.”

 

_If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow._

_So be strong tonight._

 

Thomas’ head fell forward, tears falling freely down his face again. He sucked in breathe after breathe, but he never seemed to get enough air. He curled into himself, his arms wrapping tightly around his chest as he pulled his legs in toward him. 

“What’s wrong, Tommy?” Newt asked, leaning forward so he could look into Thomas’ eyes again. 

“No, I can’t be s-strong for them,” Thomas whispered between his sobs, “Not without you. They may need me, b-but….I need y-you." 

Newt looked down in silence, tears running down his own face now. "Tommy,” he cried softly. “Tommy please look at me." 

 

_Remember who you are._

 

Thomas took a few moments to stifle his cries enough to look up at Newt. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were bright red. His breathes were still quite shaky, and his hands still tightly held onto the note tied around his neck. 

"You have to fight, Tommy,” Newt said in a more stern voice, his eyes much more serious. “You can’t give up now. I won’t let you." 

Thomas’ eyes glazed over again, another wave of grief striking his heart. "You’re gone,” he whispered, so quietly that Newt almost missed it. 

“I never left." 

Thomas looked up at Newt, his brows furrowed. "Wha-”

Newt pointed at the necklace around Thomas’ neck. “I’ll always be with you, Tommy. Right by your side,” Newt gave him a sad smile and added, “just like the good old days." 

Thomas clutched the necklace harder, unable to speak. 

"Chuck is with you,” Newt said, gesturing to Thomas’ left pants pocket that held the totem Chuck carved back in the Glade. “Teresa is with you,” he added, gesturing to the other pocket that contained the serum Teresa gave Thomas as they tried to escape WICKED. “We’re not going anywhere soon, mate. You remember that, yeah?" 

Thomas let his eyes flutter shut as images of Newt, Chuck and Teresa filled his mind. Their smiles, their laughs, those rare moments in the Glade where everything felt like it was going to be okay. With a shaky breathe, Thomas nodded his head slowly. "Okay,” was all he could manage to get out. 

 

_Yeah, you’re a soldier now, fighting in a battle._

_To be free once more._

 

“Thank you, Tommy,” Newt whispered, his voice filled with relief and happiness. “Thank you." 

Thomas’ eyes shot open in surprise as Newt leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Thomas jumped back, looking up, only to see that Newt was gone. 

He’d felt it. 

Thomas reached up and touched his forehead in shock, remembering the feeling of Newt’s lips brushing gently against his skin. And suddenly, he was awake. Thomas shot up from where he laid on the ground, scanning the area quickly in hopes of seeing Newt again. He should’ve known better, though. Thomas was alone. 

Slowly, Thomas turned to face the stone, reading Newt’s name carved across it over and over again. He leaned forward until he was right in front of Newt’s name. Gently, he placed his forehead against the rock and took a few shaky breathes to steady himself before speaking. 

"I’ll try, Newt,” He said ever so softly, “For you." 

 

_Yeah, that’s worth fighting for._

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!! Good news everyone, I am back from the dead!!!! I sincerely apologize for the unexplained disappearance, my life was (and still is) a hot mess. I do hope to return and complete Down an Open Road one day when my life becomes less hectic...but until then I'm going to stick with writing much shorter fics!! 
> 
> Good to be back, you guys :') 
> 
> **I don't own any characters, TMR, or the song. Song: "Sound the Bugle" by Bryan Adams.


End file.
